LEJOG 2010: THE BLOG

Hi all, sorry for the caps in the thread title, but after you've been waiting two days I didn't want anyone to miss the stories so far, so here, fresh from my own blog, are Day 1 and Day 2...

DAY 1: 19th June 2010

An early start at work saw me and Tony with everything packed into Dennis and we left the back door at about 0702, once again waved off by a throng of, er, none.

Straight on the A61, wondering whether the waypoints that TOny had set would work OK. We had a few curious changes of route on the way, thanks to things like TomTom's most up to date maps not knowing about the 2 year old changes to the centre of Wakefield.

This time, we chose to follow the A38 through Birmingham rather than trying to skirt round, and so this year is the first that we've not used a single M-road. Going this way, Dennis almost went home again as we drove through Longbridge. Not much there now but it actually seemed a lot easier and quicker.

We saw the Doors on the way too. Not the real ones, nor even a tribute band, but loads of them stuck against a wall. They'd tried to get into the music business themselves, but found it wasn't the opening they were looking for (groan)...

The run down to Bristol went well, and we met up with Team Luna (Stacy and Sarah - AKA Bug) earlier than expected. A quick loo break reminded us of the old adage: "Always check round the corner for urinals before taking up 2 cubicles"... After a wander around Bristol thanks to a road closure, we ended up crossing the Clifton Suspension Bridge. 50p in the bucket later - and the little bloke in his jacket running out to press a button - and we were on to the other side.

A nice steady run down to Bideford after that, traffic was fairly good and we were at Asda to pick up some more supplies by 1615. Full of stuff, we headed off to the camp site, where some of our fellow LEJOGgers were already pitched. Chris had made it in his tractor (BIG SMILEY) after following our many instructions, and we pitched the tents, chilled out for a little and headed off to Alison and Ian's for the barbeque.

Once there, we found the beer bucket a little lacking (I think some BYO was expected) so me and Chris shot off back to Sainsburys to grab some more for us, and by the time we were back the food was nearly ready.

And so, the evening progressed; we got to hear that since Jock was fixed, Carol's not had trouble with trapped wind (BIG SMILEY), and every third sentence for a while was ripe for (and followed by) "as the bishop said to the actress" or vice versa. Good stuff.

And then, after a small forehead/lintel interface moment (which is still a little sore) we got to hear about the annual inspections that Chris does, once a year... We got to hear how wood and steel frames for buildings differ, and established that rabbits last better in shipping containers but marshmallows don't, unless they're in Chard. All brought about by the jet engine which was lit again this year, although burning through 4 days of Penny's wood may have been excessive...

And so, as the evening drew to a close, we heard that Bug likes to party by herself, with the music in her head audible all over the camp site (BIG SMILEY). It was time to retire for the evening, and so following a hike to the loo block (and a scary meeting with Chris in his dressing gown on the way back) I settled down for the night.

DAY 2: 20th June 2010

If only all drizzle was lemon...

Sunday morning arrived eventually with the sound of birdsong - although we'd escaped the Gulls of Westward Ho! we had attracted the attention of plenty of other birdy type things. Early. Again. Oh well, the rest of the night's sleep had been good, if a little slanted due to the choice of pitches, but it could have been worse. At least the weather had been good to us.

Off we went to Sainsbury's for breakfast and to meet up with others who hadn't camped, and some of us tanked up art thew slightly expensive supermarket petrol station, then it was off to the hospice to start cleaning the cars and vans.

Whilst there, attention for some of us turned to sorting out Luna's dodgy electrics, which had led to Team Luna-tic not getting back under their own steam from Alison and Ian's barbeque. A dodgy fusebox was identified first, then some dodgy connections and then finally, after a couple of sessions with The Mighty Crimpers, everything was working again. Yay!


Lunchbreak was next, where many things were snaffled, and Penny brought out a rather gorgeous lemon drizzle cake, leading me to suggest it would be good if all drizzle was lemon, as it would help to wash cars without any effort. Chris mentioned that it might be a little sticky (as the bishop said to the actress), and I clarified that it could still rain, but it would have to be purple - if it wasn't, it would probably make doves cry. Particularly if it was a red corvette being cleaned, with a raspberry beret...

Our Prince marathon was interrupted by some lesbian cows, and cries of "Moo!" from Bug...

Once we got going again, the vans were washed and polished, and so we headed back to the camp site, via Asda to pick up a bucket, some salt and some ice - as our beer stocks had got a little warm thru the day. We managed to get a big enough bucket, but unfortunately we were beaten to the ice by other shoppers. Fortunately a cheeky word with the fishmonger saw us getting 3 bags of fresh ice - so thanks to him, we could get some chillier beer - Yay!

And so we settled down to a bevvy or two, discussing the meaning of the word "flange". Soon, Stacy was in stitches as the innuendos were flying (there was something about pelvic floor muscles which made her run away smirking, which was nice (BIG SMILEY))

Out came the barbeques, Penny and Ian's going up a treat and our "3 for a fiver" Asda ones not really doing all that well. After rather a long time, in which one half was cooking from the barbeque and the other half being cooked quicker by the sun, we had our sausage buns and peppered steaks - yum!

As the sun started to go down it was getting more chilly than the beer bucket, and some people applied extra layers - by the way, what's pink and has one eye? Yes, it's Stacy in a hoody (BIG SMILEY)

With what was left of the barbeques that had by now gone out, we combined all three and got them going again. Yea, and there was much wafting and warmth and we sat up a little longer as Hendrix was playing out of Dennis' boot, and discussed other LEJOGgers bottoms.

Eventually though, it was timned to retire, ready for our first Morrisons breakfasts and the run to Lands End...

DAY 3: 21st June 2010

The longest day started early. Very early. why is British wildlife so darn loud?

We headed off to Morrisons as normal, breakfasting quickly then headed off to the Children's Hospice South West again. THis was more of a flying visit than on Sunday, and we all squeezed round the fountain for a few photos.

Unfortunately the lack of a rear view mirror in Dennis was a major factor in the spare wheel nudging the driver's side wing of Barry's car, Charlie. A slight dint, but no paint broken - and at least it was Tony driving, not me (BIG SMILEY)

Off we went from there, on our way to Lands End. The students were having issues with tyres rubbing in the corners, but a slightly less spirited driving style helped there.

We reached Camelford without too many hold ups, and had our loo stop there - where
coincidentally, there is *no* mobile signal. Sam and Dave in car 10 had some roblems keeping up on some of the hills (something I know quite well!) so we arranged to move car 10 up to car 3's position, with Jo becoming car 2 and an Arthur (groan)

The rest of the run down to Lands End was uneventful, and we rolled into the car park after the usual "confuse the attendant" moment at the gates. "Yes, we're booked in to park by the sign post" "Oh, ee know nuthin bout thaaat"... Finally though we got in, lined up and ready for pictures and after a "genuine" cornish pasty, we made our way back.

Chris was back with us after escorting the cb-less car 9 - a few wrong turns round Redruth had split us up. We found out on the way back that although Chris likes a nibble on an oddly tasting sausage, he's never had a faggot, and prefers to say 'acelet rather than hazlet (that's one for the Lincolnshire folk reading this (BIG SMILEY)).

We headed to Morrisons once we got back to Bideford, tanked up and then travelled in convoy to the Thatched Inn for food. Just as we turned off to head for Abbotsham though, a bee saw fit to slam into the driver's side a-post seam, and find its way into my lap. Not knowing whether it was dead or stunned, I ended up spending the rest of the short journey from there propped up in my seat, lest i had a stinging bottom...

We got parked up - no mean feat when there's no parking left, and you're pushing yourself out of the car seat - and I was relieved to find the bee was no more, and had actually left half of itself stuck to my t-shirt...

Once in the Thatched Inn I managed to get the first 2 days blog posts up on to the net, and soon the food appeared. We were housed in the gala tent, with each order tied to the car which had ordered it, which turned out to be a very efficient way to order and to pay later on.

There were many topics of conversation, including one confusing moment where Rich was describing a film he'd seen where a man who was hung up by the Vietnamese - which some of us thought was a euphemism for a part of his anatomy... more confusion arose when we looked at the sweet menu, which offered, amongst other things, a "caramelised apple granny". I wasn't sure about ordering it, half expecting some kind of sugar caged old woman being served on a platter with an apple in her mouth - well, you never know...

Once we'd all finished, it was everyone for themselves to get back to the campsite for an early night. And as luck would have it, 2 1/2 hours later, was still trying to sort out Dennis' indicators which decided not to indicate on the way back from the pub. A throng of mini owners buzzed round the car, swapping tales of similar issues, volunteering suggestions, unfortunately to no avail.

No, it wadn't the flasher unit behind the dash; no, not the hazard light switch; no, not the fusebox wiring and no, not the switches on the column. Points go to you if you guessed what I should have guessed in the first place - a baked relay. And oh yes, compared to the much cooler evening temperatures, it was baking.

Eventually, all the tools were packed back away, and after a swift Foster's to celebrate fixing it all, it was time for bed, only to get up in 6 hours time...

DAY 4: 22nd June 2010

Bleh! 0555? no way am I getting up yet...

OK, it's 0600, got to shift and pack everything up. After coffee, of course... for some reason (which I can't see being alcohol related as I only had one) I felt a little hung over this morning, but it was probably due to lack of kip thru the night. It was a lot cooler, and as a reuslt the inside of the tent was soaking with condensation. Luckily though it hadn't come thru the inner skin, so I was dry until I stuck my head out and got a run of water down the back of my neck... and as for the <expletive deleted> <expletive deleted> <expletive deleted>  birds were <expletive deleted> at it again. Almost wish we'd had the seagulls after all...

We got everything packed up, chucking the tents and chairs in the back of the support vehicle - this year it's Lottie's pick up - and got underway, heading as quickly as we could for Bridgwater and breakfast. There was another change to the run order, with car 9 coming between us in car 5 and Barry in car 6, so we could make sure they'd know where they were going. So the run order was now:

1, 2 and an Arfur, 10, 3, 4, 5, 9, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12, 14 and Lottie bringing up the rear as 15.

The big events of the first part of the day (Lynton/Lynmouth and Porlock Hill) arrived soon enough, with Carol and Michelle heading the wrong way in Lynton, and Team Undercover Teddy Bear having to pull over half way down Porlock Hill due to boiling brake fluid. They managed to catch up though once we got a little further, due to a silly old lady in a Micra doing her best to stay under 30. even in national speed limit areas...

Morrisons at Bridgwater was the breakfast stop, and we were here for an hour or so to tank up the cars as well as ourselves. We found out at this point that Jo has never slept in a tent before, so Moffat and Inverness should be interesting...

We headed north, through West Huntspill, intrigued by the number of sign posts to the "Secret World", and then it was on to a short run of the M5 north and on to a loo break at Chepstow services.

Over the old Severn crossing (£5.50 for cars) we caught some local CB users who were happy for us to stay on channel while we went through, and then on to the border roads - not the best place to be trying to write blog posts, as the car bounces all over the place 8-)

And so we meandered up the borders, getting a little lost in Herefortd, and as someone said, "getting a bit mixed up at the back".

Next stop, a loo and coffee break at Secret Hills in Craven Arms swhich is where Rich got Willy last year (!).

At this point, because Stacy and Barry were wandering around in the wilderness, Chris kidnapped Bug. For quite some time they were driving along, with Chris not all that keen on the choice of the music in Bug's head, but finding his new passenger entertaining whenever cow related things went by, particularly the "moo poo for sale". Of course the other half of Team Luna-tic wanted to be reunited, but it wouldn't happen for a few miles more.

And before we knew it, we'd got through large chunks of Cheshire, and after a trek up the motorway with the Golden Girls in tow, we arrived at the services. Apparently on arrival, Bug had asked how long we'd be staying as she could do with the loo. Seeing as this is the overnight stop...

Settling in to the room and a beer later, we're currently sat outside enjoying the weather, ready for leaving at 0700 tomorrow morning. At least it's a shorter, more relaxed day tomorrow, and we should be in Moffat for 3.

I would like to point out that for someone who doesn't sleep very well Simon snores well (big smiley) and the wrong way in Lynmouth and Lynton is now approved by the boss  so actually is now the right way

I bet Jock has got a rear view mirror. Maybe Barry can find a Halfords and get Dennis one.

hope you all having a brill time love tasha ken luke katie bonnie fred and elliott

Quoted from Bumble

I bet Jock has got a rear view mirror. Maybe Barry can find a Halfords and get Dennis one.

Were it possible to fit a rear view mirror without it blocking a large chunk of my field of vision and thus being a danger to me and other road users, I would re-fit one.

DAY 5: 23rd June 2010

The birds didn't bother us so much this morning, as the double glazing in the Travelbodge managed to block them out - plus there weren't that many round the motorway.

We managed to assemble in time in the car park, with Bug's Prozac gland working overtime. No one has yet figured out any other explanation for the high level of cheeriness...

And so, it was time to roll up a short bit of motorway, heading for Kendal and breakfast. The run up there was straightforward, we'd managed to avoid much of the rush hour and then we hit Kendal town centre. Just for us, Kendal Council had decided to close the road which would largely take us straight to our food, and the diversion was taking twice as much traffic as normal.

We got split up at this point, with some of us continuing down the closed road (which was only closed halfway down its length) and ending up in a housing estate, where a passing person was asked for directions. By this time I'd managed to get the Morrisons store in TomTom and we headed for there, with the Golden Girls in tow - but then we found that route wasn't too hot either. Onto Google Maps on the phone, and we ended up going the right way, and caught Lottie on the way, who followed us in to the store.

So, breakfast was ordered, and we were soon munching. Tony and Ian (car 4) nipped off to grab some stuff from the store, whilst someone nipped out of the fire door in the restaurant, setting off the door alarm. Wasn't going to stop me eating my breakfast of course...

Once done, it was back to the cars, where we found that the bits bought by Tony and Ian were to decorate Luna, as it was Bug's birthday. The pink ballons didn't last that long though once we got on the road.

Bug also got a present in the form of an interactive children's book, with pictures of guinea pigs, rabbits and cats. The interactive part was that each animal had some "fur" attached that could be stroked. Yes, I don't know quite why someone bought that, but Bug seemed to like it and there were plenty of innuendos flowing...

And so the journey continued; though it was a bit hazy (and cloudy in places) we could see Shap Fell, which was nice, and apart from getting split up a bit in Penrith there were no issues until we left, when we were buzzed by a Vanker from JC Furnishings of Penrith, who was rather keen on overtaking with oncoming traffic, and cutting up every car he pulled in front of.

Next challenge was, as ever, Carlisle. As if the traffic and lights weren't bad enough we had to get out of the way of a police van too - and the whole run through Carlisle could not have been fun for the GOlden Girls who haven't had a CB for the whole run - but once we got up to Gretna they were once more very appreciative of mine and Tony's attempts to keep them together with the group.

The Gretna stop was not too far, and welcome once we got there. Souveniers were bought, ice cream eaten and Barry got some vegetarian haggis too and before we knew it, we were back on our way to Moffat, another nice but uneventful journey.

Once on the campsite we got set up, and the Students headed off to the Star Hotel to watch the football. At this point, with us having plenty of time before we were eating, some people got together to try to get better reception on some of the CBs. Carol and Michelle's was first, ands bad SWR was diagnosed, fixed by fiddling with the aerial. Apparently, Carol had "pushed it in too far", and when doing the same with Stacy's, she proclaimed that "it's tight behind there, be careful"...

Still with plenty of time before food, Barry offered to take some of us Geocaching (a GPS based activity where objects are hidden and swapped by other geocachers - I'm sure someone has a fuller description). So Barry, me, Tony, Bug and Stacy headed off about 4 miles from the camp site to find a cache called the "Last Post", not far from a memorial to 2 postal workers overcome by snow in 1831... We were rather lucky on the way, as a nutter in a Peugeot decided to cross the white lines on a narrow bridge - a nasty crash was narrowly averted, and the rest of the visit to the geocache was much happier.

We got back and had a little more time to chill out before heading off for our food at the Star Hotel. Although the ordering system was fine again, there was some confusion over who was having haggis as a starter, and as a main course. In amongst the confusion it had been orgnaised that the vegetarian haggis from Gretna would be cooked up and served for Bug's birthday treat, which went down well in more ways than one. And so the innuendos flowed...

After our meals, some of us headed back to the campsite whilst others stayed in the pub, discussing how the run was going so far, who was driving which sections next etc. And after a few more swahlees (as I believe it's spelt) we headed back to the campsite ourselves. We tried our best to not annoy the caravan crowd, but it's not that easy when your tents are identified by a light, and me and Chris were singing "There's a light... over at the Frankenstein place"...

And so, to bed...