THE 2011 LEJOG BLOG

Come hell or high water WE ARE DOING LEJOG NEXT YEAR!!! Defo Defo Defo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Day five: keep them guessing

"If we do what they're expecting us to do, then they won't expect us to do it, because that's what they think we'll do. I think."

Morning came, better weather than expected but still darn early. This year we decided to head for Blackpool, to make a bit of a change.

It was shut. There was nothing to see except a bit of a rusty erection. The tower is not looking good these days, and a lot of the promenade is being rebuilt, tarted up or just generally being fettled with.

During this detour it was mentioned that Linda would like to see the horse drawn trams on the Isle of Man, but as David pointed out, how do the horses hold the pencils?

"... but if we do what they don't expect us to do, then they'll be expecting us to do that instead... I expect..."

So with nothing else to keep us there, we decided to run up the prom and head for Fleetwood, then cut over to the A6 and our usual route.

Obviously this was a new route, largely unplanned, so at one point with all the TomToms fighting each other it was the Google Navigation woman who came to the rescue and before we knew it we were on our way, along a great set of roads which helped ease us into the day after the big trek the day before.

Lancaster came next, then Carnforth - which we seemed to have hit on "cut up a Mini day" - and we also tried to look out for Trigger following a sign staying "SLOW ROAD SWEEPER". It wasn't long til we hit Kendal for breakfast. Jock was getting a little thirsty on oil (too much marking of territory!) so a stop at Halfords was needed.

The run up Shap was easy enough, the weather mostly holding and traffic was light, except the push bikes...

"But if they expect us to expect that we'd expect they'd expect us to do what they'd expect us to expect them to expect us to do, then we should just expect to do what they expect us to do... I expect..."

Even though this year's run is down to 3 Minis and Lotty's van, Carlisle still beat us. By the time we were half way we were in three groups: Carol and  Michelle leading Terry and Linda, me and David out on our own and James somewhere way behind. So much so that although me and David managed to catch up and follow on along the A7, James ended up on the M6... we waited in a layby about 4 miles out of Carlisle, but eventually got a phone call saying we'd meet up again at Gretna Green, our next destination.

"Things can change at any minute. We need to be less conspicuous... disguise ourselves... they won't be expecting that..."

And lo, the wetness did descend on our intrepid travellers, making the short(ish) run to Gretna fairly rubbish but we managed to get to our lunch stop without too much hassle. Lotty was already waiting there for us so we parked up in our usual places and headed in to see if there was any new tat. There wasn't, but we did manage to get a pair of "Jock disguises"...

With the rain proving particularly persistent we weren't looking forward to pitching tents at our overnight stop, but Moffat had a break while we got set up. Of course the break wasn't quite long enough so we did end up with a few damp patches again.

Having previously been dubbed "Team Gaffer Tape" I decorated Lotty's bonnet with the team name, written in gaffer tape in backwards letters, ambulance-style. It looks pretty good, if I do say so myself...

Following this, and my earlier purchase of the cake that thinks it's a biscuit that thinks it's a cake, we ended up being dubbed Team Jaffa Cake, to complement Team Gaffer Tape.

"I think we can relax a bit now. We're amongst friends..."

Star Inn was next, me, David and James heading up first to check out the place. We ended up having quite a pool tournament, with James coming on top after several games. Personally I think we were hustled, seeing as he's still the de facto John O'Groats champion...

So after whacking a few balls and drinking the odd pint of Criffel (the local brew, very nice) the other LEJOGgers arrived and it was time for tea. The usual high standard of food and an easy to wind up waiter (poor lad ) followed, with plenty of good natured banter and a review off the run so far. Not sure the other patrons were quite so happy with the banter though...

The others left with David and I having another, and we finally got back to the camp site at about quarter to 10. Everyone else was in bed and mostly asleep by then, so we thought we'd do the same. No point staying up any later as the wee beasties were absolutely vicious this year...

Glens tomorrow, then Inverness. 7am start, up at 6am to pack away...

Day six: deepest Scottishland

"They have different rules up here... we might just get away with it..."

Morning in Moffat was a solid victory for the SCRAM (Scottish Council of Revolutionary and Angry Midges) who attacked us as soon as the tents were opened. Everything was put away very quickly and we hid cars till setting off for breakfast at Dumbarton.

Along the way we passed through such delightfully named places as Boghead...

The run through to Glasgow was good, mostly dry again and once on the main roads was only held up by the volume of traffic.

"Now's not the time to do anything silly."

David was driving and feeling a bit chilly so while waiting at a set of lights decided to slip into something warm. However hard you try though, you can't put a jumper on when wearing a seatbelt; it's better to realise before trying...

"I'm having trouble setting the Firkin Point..."

Breakfast over it was time to hit the Glens, with Loch Lomond first on the scenic sights list as we ran up the A82. The weather was trying its best to annoy us but the run was so relaxed (except for the odd slowcoach) that it didn't really bother us. We've been enjoying the ride and have been able to keep to our expected timings without ever feeling rushed.

So, pootling along, looking at the scenery, CB chatter really at a minimum, occasionally commenting on other drivers and cyclists, we were up into Glencoe before we knew it. While the weather on top of us was a little rough, we had great views of the hills which seemed to get bigger the further we went into them (small, far away!).

"Keep your wits about you!"

Rolling into Fort William, Lotty had to stop off and get some fresh air. With being single crewed and there being little banter on the CBs the drive so far was catching up with him.

We had our usual break at the Ben Nevis centre, while people admired the cars (or were just shocked they'd got that far), and headed to the Commando Memorial. No-one had trouble here this year; all the cars started, there were no leaks of clutch fluid and nobody ripped their handbrake off...

"Trouble is, if we spot her, we can't go public..."

And so the Great Glenn and General Wade's Military Road was calling, to take us the whole of the length of Loch Ness, past the scene of the accident last year where we were stuck for so long, and up to and past Urquhart Castle. Being a small group, and having all gone earlier, this didn't form a loo stop this year, and we shot straight past and pressed on to Inverness.

"So close now..."

The weather seemed to be holding off while we got ourselves on site, but did chuck it down a little while we were setting up. Glad I got those rock pegs at Easter, they made pitching at this site so much easier.

Once the tents were up and the gazebo held down with Lotty's van, beer and food were called for, so a trip to Morrison's and orders for the takeaway were needed. We were back from shopping just in time to order our food, and settled down with a beer or two, discussing how well the run was going, and the last leg of the main run which would come in the morning...

Wonderful reading  

Day seven: the other end

"We didn't want to do that."

The perils of predictive text showed their ugly head while doing the day 5 blog in the very early hours of this morning. Aside from the few spelling mistakes that I know are in the blog, instead of me decorating Lotty's bonnet, it was almost published as me decorating Lotty's boner...

Later on this morning (8am, since I know you're wondering) after greasing Jock's towball with the only thing available (copper grease) we left Jamess and set off on the arduous 2 mile slog through Inverness to Morrison's for breakfast. Duly fuelled, we did the same for the cars and headed off, as is usual on the Friday of LEJOG, up the A9 to John O'Groats.

Aside from Tinker having trouble passing the distillery again without veering into the car park, the only real trouble we had was being overtaken by a Discovery towing a caravan, which ended up overtaking other cars uphill, and eventually turning into a caravan site maybe 20 seconds quicker than if he'd just stayed behind us.

"That was close. They nearly had us there..."

We came upon what was left of a bump, it looked like a young lad had rear-ended a Volvo and was in the back of a police car having words with them. The road was clear however, so we breezed on through.

"This is too easy..."

The run up the A9 went another than ever before: weather was good, traffic light, everyone together and not long after the village of Loth (nearly home, only one letter missing) we were at our normal loo stop at Lybster.

"Right. Time for a change of plans."

Most of us refreshed, we had chance to get down to the harbour, park the cars directly in front of the lighthouse and get some cracking pictures.

Terry talked about fishing again, we spotted some tiddlers in the very clear waters of the harbour and he spotted a much larger fish out by the sea wall. One of these days he's going to find a way to bring a rod...

During coffee at the harbour cafe, I suggested another change of route to encompass a visit to Dunnet Head, which as you may know is the most northerly point of mainland Britain - that's right, John O'Groats is actually south of there.

We agreed it would be a good run, filling up at Wick on the way up rather than on the way down, when another of the cafe patrons suggested yet another change of route.

Shortly after Thurso is an A road running roughly north-south called the A897 which eventually joins the A9 on our route back. It came highly recommended so we decided to take it on the way back. More about that later though...

"We can do this, and they'll never trace it back to us..."

We went to our usual fuel stop at Tesco, and Terry was forced to use a Pay-at-pump. This was so confusing for him that he nearly filled up with diesel... but he was not as confused as David who parked us in a trolley park...

David drove us up to John O'Groats and we drove round to the roundabout. One of the first things to catch my eye was the LEJOG hotel, derelict for some years but recently purchased and undergoing a refit. The outside of it however is currently an art project by a number of artists. It currently looks like a cross between a Portmeirion taxi and the cover of some kind of right-on kids anti-drugs leaflet. Maybe next year it will have been finished.

Myself and Michelle ended up queueing to book for official photos. Now, the current photographer at John O'Groats has been something of a celebrity amongst LEJOGgers for some time, for all the wrong reasons: his clue disappeared a long time ago... he had to be corrected on his spelling several times when filling out the sign post, even though he had read the wording from the back of Michelle's fleece, and his attempt at wheresdennis.co.uk was just as bad.

We wore our disguises for the photo... not sure when we'll get to wear then again...

"Do you think someone knew we were coming?"

Our pictures taken and a few bits of tat bought, we made our way towards Thurso with the sea on our right and we were soon at Dunnet Head, for a bit of a stop off. They're obviously a bit worried about theft, as the information "shed" was strapped down to the car park...

Carol was taking many pictures of Alex (the name we've given to the LEJOG bear) using my camera, as hers had run out of battery, and she managed to get one of my head poking round the Dunnet Head marker stone...

After a while at the summit and observation point, we headed off towards Thurso, and after a quick look across the fields at Dounreay we turned on to the A897 just before Melvich.

"Put your foot down! Put your foot down, we'll lose them easy"

And what a road it is. Definitely the best route we've ever taken on LEJOG, and one that has got to be in your list of greatest British roads. The word awesome is often overused but personally I think it's suitable for this road.

It's an A road, but is actually single track with passing places along the entire length. It rolls up and down and although mostly straight on the map has a wonderful flowing run that sticks a smile to your face like no other road I've ever driven. Truly it's what Minis were made for and I hope it becomes a permanent part of the LEJOG route.

About half way down it we made a toilet stop at Forsinade Station, much to the delight of some of the residents who I don't think get many visitors. Suitably refreshed, we carried on down, still grinning (and in some places laughing!) till we got to a fork in the road. No knives or spoons though.

This fork was recommended by one of the chaps at Lybster, and in a Mini with raised suspension and a sump guard it would have made a good road to blast down. Of course ours weren't set up like that so we had to pick our way through, over some chunky grass filled cracks and through even chunkier gravel, but we made it back to the A9 eventually. This still didn't detract from the A road we'd turned off.

"Well, we did it. Jolly Fisherman next."

And so in comparison, the A9 back to Inverness was a little dull; but then it is anyway once you're on the way back from John O'Groats. Apart from a few muppets it was uneventful, and after visiting Morrison's again for supplies we rolled back into camp, ate our food, drank our tipples and all agreed that this year had been the very best LEJOG yet.

Of course it's the people who make it as much as the route itself, it's the journey not the destination and all that, but before I tell you about everyone comparing Mini war wounds, and the story of Terry being treated by a vet for hepatitis, I'd like to thank him for organising the run, Linda for being the Governor, Carol and Michelle for leading so expertly (except thru Fleetwood), David for being a good sport throughout and James for coming up with so many uses for gaffer tape...

Bedtime calling, we eventually retired for the evening, in preparation for a very long drive back to Skegness. But that's another part of the adventure...

This year must be the best Lejog ever. no domestics, ok me and Linda had the odd disagreement especially over the air in the airbeds, they where never hard enough for her. Not sure what went on in the other cars but I did see the odd raised hand and pointed finger and in the certain car that came down from Leeds there were often comments about a certain ambience that would linger in the mini after the Jaffa cake team had been drinking the local brew and eating Jaffa cakes.

We had a fantastic time a bit of the Italian Job with the 3 minis, mixed with Austin Powers as we were mostly dressed as hippies what would you expect. At one point we ended up closer to the top of a mountain than the bottom of it, on a goats track. Never had I thought we could ever get a mini so far up a mountain. Not sure why but for some reason the goats track had speed bumps.

We have the old route but with a few new turns that take us in a different direction, we have found a few more roads that allow us to have a bit of  fun and we promise no goats tracks, unless you really want to do it at your own risk. So roll on next year, I have to add a big thank you to the nutters that came on this years Lejog you not only did they make it the best one yet they have made it into a real adventure except for the ambience that lingers around jaffa cake team after they have been on the Jaffa cakes that was a bit of a nightmare.  

      

Loved it! By far the most relaxed and giggly run we have ever been on. Thoroughly enjoyed the driving - Jock got quite enthusiastic at times... can't wait for the next one!

We were forced to take an alternative route to foggy after the traffic at nairn had us queuing too long. We came flying into the square slightly later than planned, but we made up 10 minutes on Tom Tom's suggested arrival time and it was much more fun than our usual route.
We had a lovely afternoon in the sun, lovely evening meal but then struggled to stay awake to be sociable, until Auntie Val got sick of us yawning in her face and sent us to bed...
Have just woken up to clear skies and sunshine, and strangely a cock crowing on the other side of the square.... must be time for a cup of tea.

You lucky lucky !@#$%&*?/

Quoted from undercover teddybear

You lucky lucky !@#$%&*?/

Heh! heh! you missed the best LeJog ever Ian {smug grin Sorry!!!)